On occasion I feel as if the term “gender fluid” is a relatively new term. In fact those of us in the more mature age range remember when transvestite was one of the only words we could use to describe ourselves except maybe cross dresser. Then, along the way, the transvestite term was shortened to […]Gender Fluid?
I’ve always been a tom boy. but never thought about my gender overall, but I had some issues and felt i had to change who I was to please the people around me,
From age 6 I was aware of the stereotypical gender rolls I understood the differences between a girl and a boy. But I was very unhappy with being a girl pink was forced on me, I enjoyed getting dirty and playing with swords. I hated wearing dresses and skirts but Im lucky my mum never pushed me to wear clothes I didn’t want to wear.
When I learnt Id start having a period and Id start growing breasts Id have panic attacks family members would comment on my Growing figure and I would gag. I was a skater, Id look and act like a boy I would cover my long blonde hair and wear baggy shirts to cover my chest.
I knew I was into boys very early in life and my tom boy appearance did not help with getting a boyfriend I was a show off I was good at gymnastics Id hope this would Impress the lads but just made them annoyed. My friends always told me that I wasn’t ugly I just needed to wear makeup so that boys would like me. I would borrow my mum’s foundation, she is 4 shades darker than me and I would wear bold black eyeliner on my bottom of my lash line I just looked like a Cheeto.
I fell In love with a boy who told me I was not feminine enough for him that was so upsetting for me to feel like If I wanted a boy to like me I would have to act like a girly girl.
I hate It when men stare at me. I hate wearing a bra. I hate showing my legs and acting cute. Sometimes I wish I could grow a beard and say whatever I want. I am sick of being told that my time is running out that i need to have children and get married.
I don’t like being a grown woman but Being a man doesn’t appeal to me either I just was to be comfortable in my own body I want to be myself. I’m not as stressed out as I was when I was younger I don’t mind wearing a dress to a party.
I don’t really understand non binary and still have identity issues Id like to learn about myself. I started developing body dysmorphia in my late teens I started skin picking, wearing heavy make up and binge eating. But now I have let go of my insecurity’s and have grown to love myself. I always thought I was transgender and would say I want to be a man, I am 25 now and I know I no longer have those feelings.